


One Shots with Da Boys

by ACreativeNameWasTaken



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Gen, Hybrid!Technoblade, No beta we die like season 2 Phil, One Shot, Techno/Phil centric because I adore them, Villain!Dream, Winged!Philza, Yes there is sleepy bois because yes, no shipping I can't write love TwT
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:33:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28996029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ACreativeNameWasTaken/pseuds/ACreativeNameWasTaken
Summary: One shots featuring Best Boys Techno and Phil!Some angst some fluff some really freaky stuff!Based on the characters not the ccs themselves.Ch.1- Phil finds out that the Blood God is actually a literal childCh.2- Techno is in Pandora's Vault and Dream has big plansCh.3- Phil realizes the extent of his friend's hybrid statusCh.4- Technoblade meets the EggCh.5- Technoblade pays Dream a visit in prisonCh.6- Technoblade crashes Ranboo and Tubbo's housewarming party
Relationships: Technoblade & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Comments: 17
Kudos: 203





	1. Chapter 1

Technoblade tore his axe from the body of the last remaining soldier, the crimson spoils of war spraying out in a glorious arc. The last of many. The Arctic Empire was a young one, formed two years ago, but those two years had lasted an eternity. A whirlwind of clashing blades and new lands to conquer, a half piglin warrior and his winged friend standing alone atop a mountain of corpses, embellished with the emblems of hundreds of fallen kingdoms- some new, some old- all with one mistake in common. The people of lands far and wide knew better now, than to challenge the Arctic Empire. Else they unleash the unholy wrath of the Blood God and his Angel of Death. 

The voices that normally saturated Techno’s head were quiet now, satisfied with his recent conquest- no- slaughter as he turned to the sound of Phil’s hearty laughter. 

“MATE, did you see this guy? Papaega.” Phil looked down at the decaying corpse of a soldier, face smushed against the grass, ass high in the air. For a man so warm and welcoming Philza found that humour in death came easily. As it did to his old friend who reluctantly let out a chuckle at Phil’s antics. They had fought together for only a couple years, nothing on the twenty long years Phil had adventured, explored, fought and won- and yet he found himself trusting this boarish (pun intended) man with his life. Between the blood-soaked battlefields and the comfortable silence that would stretch between them as one read and the other sewed, they were alike in soul, body and mind- their trust in each other and their ability was complete and absolute. 

Technoblade was a man of very few words, Phil knew this and treasured every sliver of a sentence, every new word he could get- but there was never a pressure. Phil had seen his fair share in his travels and from the world-weary look in Techno’s eyes Philza could only assume his friend had seen all the more. He could excuse the silence, in favour of the quality time and fond looks he would receive as he told stories of his adventures of the highest peaks and darkest depths of this world and those interwoven with them. 

It was rare that they truly celebrated their conquests, but Philza felt that with an army this vast beneath their feet, some celebration was in order. 

“Bloody hell this was a workout!” Phil turned to his old friend, “fancy a drink after this mate? My treat.” 

Techno turned to face him, nonchalant as ever. 

“Phil I’m sixteen.” 

W hA t


	2. Monster in a Cage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kinda canon based kinda not?  
> Basically Wilbur blew up L'Manberg but when they rebuilt Dream said nah that's not a threat and left them the fuck alone.  
> Tommy hunted Techno down to have a brotherly screaming match after he spawned the withers but they ended up understanding each other and going their separate ways, so the exile arc where they live together without a lot of the Dream based trauma. :)
> 
> Basically Dream imprisons Techno because he's a cunning little bastard.

The day Technoblade disappeared was one not soon forgotten. 

It was in the way Philza would feverishly tend to the long-abandoned farms, his eyes lacking that wise, kind spark of a well-travelled adventurer. It was in the way, when his name was mentioned, the conversation would fall silent. It was in the way that if one were to visit the decrepit cottage in the snowy tundra on the right day, you would find a child poking around, searching for something that couldn’t be found, his sapphire eyes a dull grey. 

It was in the way that the Prison loomed over them all. 

No one wanted to admit it. No one wanted to acknowledge it. The prison had been there for a year, and the only people they had seen enter and exit were Sam and... Dream. Besides that fact, it had been common knowledge that despite his cunning, his planning and scheming, there was no way that Dream could beat Technoblade in a fight. 

Right? 

Philza knew better than most, the Piglin had been bred to fight. He knew from the moment he found a child, battered and bloody but still fighting with everything he had in that Hypixel underground fighting ring. Despite his only communication being Piglin grunts, it was on display, the fire in those ruby red eyes. The way, despite his best efforts, Phil couldn’t even get close without being met with growls for MONTHS. After so long growing close, and two more additions to the family, Technoblade had found his home in Hypixel once more- in a slightly more legal way that is. As the Blood God, a merciless warrior that had never once needed use of a respawn star- after all- Technoblade never dies. When his brothers asked for aid to reclaim their lost nation, to spill blood for the sake of an overblown passion project, of course the warrior would be there in a heartbeat. Despite his time spent away, spilling crimson in his wake, he would drop it all in a heartbeat for the family he had found. Anything, anytime, anywhere, he would follow them into hell itself. He was born there, after all. He had never known defeat. 

So, when Philza came home after a long day of assisting Tommy and Tubbo in the expansion of L’Manberg to find an empty house, he wasn’t worried. Not in the slightest. 

After a month, however, he began to grow worried. 

It took another month for the worst to come to mind. Phil began a server wide search; no stone was left unturned. He searched with a feverish passion, even as his search party was slowly reduced to himself and, on occasion, Tommy. 

It was a year before he gave up his search. In his heart, his soul, he knew the answer to his search. There was no other place he could be. As Philza spent his days holding onto what his friend, his SON left behind, he spent just as many glaring at those blackstone walls that he knew contained a Piglin. He spent just as many planning, plotting and gathering for a prison break that he knew was almost impossible. After all, despite his years of added wisdom, there was no-one as strong as Technoblade. And if he, the Blood God, couldn’t tear this prison down from the inside, how could Phil make a dent from the outside? 

“Why did Dream ask for that prison to be made?” Tubbo asked airily one day, turning to Sam with wide, innocent eyes. After a laborious day of helping with Tubbo’s small redstone project, and many, many desperate attempts to get Tommy listen to his instruction- this was the last thing Sam had expected to hear from the child. He could see both Tubbo and Tommy’s focus entirely on him as he formed an answer that would please them. 

“Well... Dream thought it would be a good... Contingency plan. In case someone tried to disturb the server’s peace.” 

“But couldn’t he just kill them?” Tubbo asked quickly, Sam narrowed his eyes, very quickly- had the redstone project been a ploy to get him out and tired? 

“Well... Yes. But the prison could serve as a good example for any future,” Sam paused again, “insurgencies. If Dream managed to imprison his most powerful adversary, no one else would even try, understand?” Sam was starting to get worried; he knew they suspected what the prison contained, he knew EVERYONE suspected. 

He just didn’t think anyone would be brave enough to confront him on it. And as much as he wanted to boast proudly of his wonderful creation, one that could even contain THE Technoblade, with no method of escape, allow people to visit and witness his marvel of redstone and ingenuity- thinly veiled threats from Dream of the consequences of doing so lingered ever-present in his mind. 

“You wouldn’t want your status as a half mob being... accidentally revealed, would you?” 

The world was not kind to half breeds. 

Feeling sweat form on his brow, Sam stood up to stretch. 

“Welp! I better be off; it’s been a long day huh? Let me know if you ever need more help. Oh! And Tubbo?”   
“Yeah?” 

“A piece of friendly advice, if you’re curious about the prison? Don’t be.” 

He left the two boys in silence and headed back. 

\-------------- 

Technoblade woke up to see a wall of obsidian. The soft glow of lava cast over him. 

Heh? 

The warrior remained still, attempting to sense anyone else in the room with him and, in finding no one, began to wrack his brain for how he could’ve ended up here. 

Woke up in his own bed- no. Breakfast with Phil, eggs- no. Checked up on Carl and his other various pets- no. Headed to the spider spawner for a couple hours to grind out xp- no. Tended to his potato farm- no. Checked his food supply, he was a couple stacks short of what he’d like to be- no. Set off to his neighbouring village to trade for his favourite, golden carrots, and traded until he had stocked up, ignoring the villagers shaking hands- fear was common in the presence of the Blood God- they must’ve just been slightly more anxious because of his newly reacquired Axe of Peace dangling from a holster on his side, so as Technoblade took a gleaming carrot and ate it, and a feeling of drowsiness promptly washed over him, and he fell in the snow, and wait what? Heh? 

\----------------- 

Dream had never been happier. Sure, L’Manberg was rebuilding, but that was to be expected, leaving Tommy and Tubbo to their little passion project- a far cry from the actual danger it had posed under the iron fist of a capitalist ram, or the fiery force of expansion that had been Wilbur Soot. And besides, if they ever stepped out of line? He had gotten himself an Ace in the hole. 

It had been a long, slow process, taming the beast. But by Mojang had it been worth it. See, seasoned warriors are kind of known for their will of steel, so first thing’s first, you break their will. And what better way than to put them in an inescapable box? Dream had known it would be hard from the moment he had opened the lava curtain to have a... Friendly chat with his prisoner. Only to be met by non-committal hums and a look in Techno’s eyes that Dream knew meant he was observing, taking in every little detail to formulate a plan of escape. Dream could barely contain his glee from behind his porcelain mask. 

This was going to be FUN. 

Apart from your more run of the mill torture methods- starvation, sleep deprivation- yaknow the usual, all of which had barely any effect on the Piglin, Dream soon realized he wasn’t imprisoning a mere human, he had a beast in a cage. And he should probably treat it as such, right? After weeks of research into Piglins- their culture, anatomy, their desires, something clicked in Dream’s mind. The piercings that lined Techno’s ears, the small band around one of his tusks, the crown, all of which he had so graciously allowed Techno to keep (had been reluctant to remove in case they were a contingency for if Techno were to get knocked out, perhaps administering a shock), they were made of gold. And not just any easily mined overworld gold. They were Piglin gold. So, when the curtain of fire rose once more, Technoblade did not expect to be met by a splash potion of Rest. And, despite his best efforts, sharp nails- claws almost- digging into his palms until they bled, he slept. 

Only to wake up to quickly find that all his gold, HIS gold, was gone. 

Dream knew he had succeeded a week later, as the observers in Technoblade’s cell showed the Piglin pacing, only stopping to eat and sleep, for hours on end. Sometimes Techno’s hand would wander to his head, grasping for something that wasn’t there, and oh did Dream relish the pained look on his face as pink hands found empty air. He was visibly stressed, a far cry from the calm, composed, calculating warrior that had been there before. And just like that Dream knew that his plan was all too possible. 

It only took 48 hours straight of watching old Hypixel recordings, televising their star fighter- the Blood God- for something to click in Dream’s mind once again. As Technoblade cut through enemy after enemy, a smile brandished on his face, he would sometimes stop. And lick his weapon clean of blood. Now, an untrained eye may see this as a display of power, a bit of showmanship to keep the audience on their feet. He was the Blood God after all. But Dream saw it in the way that the time in between these gory displays were almost always the same. As if something in the Beast had gotten... hungry, in the time between feasts. He saw it in the way that the beast’s tongue would lap up the crimson like something possessed, thorough in its cleaning of the weapon- not a drop left behind. 

Blood for the Blood God, huh? 

\-------------- 

Technoblade knew his situation was precarious. He knew that being constantly on edge would wear his mind, no matter how many times he bit his lip or dug his claws in slightly too much to keep himself grounded. How dare he. That smiley green fuck. He took his gold. His gold. That he had found and crafted and enchanted and worn with pride through hundreds if not thousands of battles, that had been adorned with the blood of millions except his own. His gold. His gold. His gold. H iS gO lD. He bit his lip hard enough to taste iron. 

Technoblade knew that he was barely holding on, and he was ashamed. He had spent so many years taming the beast that raged in his mind, for the sake of Phil, who had so mercifully taken him under his literal wing and, for the first time in the scrappy piglet’s life, shown him peace and kindness. For the sake of Wilbur, who had a scar on his shoulder from the last, hopefully ever, time Techo had lost control. He had had an iron grip on his mind for so long. He was so, so tired. What if he just let go? Just for a little while, let himself see red. Finally, relaxed. Mojang how he yearned for that release. But what would Phil think? What if he hurt someone he cared about... again. Technoblade clenched his jaw and forced himself to focus, he wouldn’t let Dream win. Not now, not ever. He would escape, he just had to bide his- 

He could smell blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bruh this was gonna be a fun little one-shot and now I'm on 2k words why am I like this  
> Might do a part 2 if this chapter is well received enough :)


	3. Ummmm... What?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Technoblade finally gets a chance to relax, much to Philza's confusion

It was a surprisingly peaceful night on the Dream SMP for Philza and Techno. After a long day of farm maintenance that Techno had been procrastinating for weeks until Philza’s nagging finally got a response- feeding the turtles, feeding Bob, feeding Techno’s hundreds of attack dogs, basically, there was a lot of feeding things- Phil and his piglin friend practically collapsed in front of the roaring hearth, only just removing pointy armor before they passed out from exhaustion. As they finally relaxed in the golden glow of the flames Phil felt his friend, the savage beast Technoblade, the Blood God, softly dozing. Breath slow and steady, he thought he could even see a sigh escape his murderous friend’s snout. 

Phil couldn’t help but reminisce. It had been so long since they’d seen peace, two kindred spirits fighting bloody battle after bloody battle there had been times where he would look up to see his friend take the final life of the opposing army and wonder if they’d ever know peace. The Angel of Death and the Blood God had been feared throughout the realms as harbingers of death, they knew nothing but war, and blood, seeing the life drain from so many eyes that they all seemed to meld together in his mind. Very few got to see this side of his old friend and live to tell the tale, his eyelashes fluttered as the fire flickered as the warm glow made his sharp edges seem to melt and soften. He had been hailed as a monster by the world his entire life but here and now? Philza only saw a friend. He could see where the lines may blur though, he had to admit. Technoblade’s hulking frame, his crimson eyes, dangerously sharp tusks, hooved feet, he really did look like a piglin brute. Phil often wondered where his hybrid status might differentiate his friend apart from in mannerisms. 

Phil was stirred from his wandering mind to his friend who had started breathing more slowly and deeply. He had never seen the warrior more relaxed. Perhaps retirement would do them both some good, finally a chance to relax and escape the bloodthirsty world that surrounded them. It was then that Phil looked fondly again at his old friend, who to his great confusion, was shrinking. 

What? 

WhAt? 

Phil did not want to stir the man from his rarely found peace and so watched on with great, GREAT confusion as his piglin ally seemed to... morph? His fur receding into peach skin, tusks tucking away into his mouth, Philza winced at the cracking sounds that accompanied his hooves morphing into hands. HUMAN hands. Before long Philza realized that in front of him was a human male, pink hair flowing in cascades, falling over a still-peaceful face with a scar coming up from chin to cheek, with small tusks poking out. Phil could recognize the scar perfectly well, that shade of pink matching the fur that had been there mere moments before. That was Technoblade’s scar. That was Technoblade. Safe to say Philza had a million questions, if not more. With a heavy heart, he shook his friend’s (???) shoulder. 

“Mate... Mate wake up...” he was cautious. Technoblade never slept this deeply. In any other situation a single footstep should have brought him to his hooves in less than a second, ready for battle, but this Technoblade’s eyes cracked open blearily. His body stiffly rolling over as his hand waved back at Phil. 

“Fffffffffive more minutes.” The monotone voice slurred back, yep, this was Technoblade alright. 

“Mate you’re a human.” Philza bit back, careful to be straight and to the point. He didn’t know if Techno was aware of his... bodily situation and didn’t want to beat around the bush. 

“Hm? I am? Oh pog that’s rare. Yyyyyyyyyou’re welcome Phil I never normally get relaxed enough around ANYONE to shift back, let alone on this god forsaken SMP.” Techno’s blunt voice felt to Phil like a punch in the stomach. So he was a shapeshifter? His friend, that he had known for going on 10 years, that he had fought with, shared feasts with, patched up, been patched up by and shared a million stories with, was a shapeshifter???? Phil scoured his mind for any information on the topic he had from his many reading expeditions. Hybrids were rare, especially for hostile mobs. They usually came in human form with only slight deformations to show their status as hybrids. Under great stress a very talented and strong hybrid could shapeshift, some would use this for battle purposes although most only saw this as an inconvenience. 

So, all this time, his friend had practically been in battle mode. Never once in those ten long years of friendship had he found himself relaxed enough to let down his guard and allow his body to revert back to its original form. 

“Mate...That must’ve been exhausting.” Philza chuckled. 

“Yyyyyyyyyup.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My original idea was for him to switch every time he sneezed but... That's dumb...  
> Sorry Lunch, Touko, that girl from Rosario Vampire and all those other characters that fall into that trope lololol


	4. I <3 Egg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Technoblade's head is filled with voices, what's one more?

Safe to say Technoblade was quite concerned. 

He may not have visited the Dream SMP proper for quite some time, but he was pretty sure he didn’t remember it being covered in red... roots? Vines? Frankly the piglin had no idea. He was only here because a visitor by the name of Badboyhalo had piqued his interest, besides, if it was a trap, the demon was more than welcome to learn why he was known as the Blood God. And although he had brought the polar bear as a joke, he found himself gripping the fluffy white Steve quite strongly as the crimson grew more frequent around them, the ever-present voices offering up a jumbled cacophony of opinions on the situation with one common consensus among a sea of random words. It went something like “kill kill death blood for the blood god kill death blood”. 

Technoblade couldn’t remember ever being without the voices. If anything at this point, he felt he’d be more worried if his mind was silent. That didn’t mean he enjoyed the constant running commentary on his entire life, but he had grown accustomed to it. The voices grew louder in their cries for blood as he descended the stairs to the “egg” as the demon had so eloquently called it. Technoblade would say he had resisted making jokes like the responsible battle-hardened warrior he was, but that would’ve been a lie. 

“So... Is it edible?” 

“What?” 

“Like could you make an omelette or nah, I skipped breakfast this mornin’ man I’m just wonderin’” 

Bad’s silence led Techno to put the answer somewhere in the maybe column. 

As they entered the main cavern, quite a sight to behold, Techno tried his best not to touch the crimson stuff that littered every inch of it, although with the sheer amount of it that caked the walls and floor, it was a task that proved quite challenging. As they approached the egg, Badboyhalo began to state his case in a series of ramblings that Technoblade almost instantly zoned out of, only registering the repetition of the words “egg” and “desires”. Damn the demon had a weird egg relationship thing goin’ on huh. They finally reached it and, despite his apathetic demeanour, Technoblade was very grossed out. It was a translucent, gelatinous red... thing with... were those veins? Pulsing throughout. So of course, when he was prompted to touch the egg, both Technoblade and the voices gave a resounding “no thank you”. Of course, when saying no to a nine-foot demon, the reaction is quite predictably negative, and, with a bright smile splitting his face, Bad very passive-aggressively, grabbed Techno’s hand and placed it on the egg much faster than he could react. The voices growing to a roar, begging, screaming, crying out for blood. 

And the egg started screaming. 

Badboyhalo, pain evident on his face, whipped around to face the piglin so fast he thought he heard a snap. 

“Excuse me what the fuck.”


	5. Suck it Green Boi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dream is an apathetic monster that doesn't feel fear.  
> Technoblade decides it's high time he changes that.

“This is your fault, you know.” 

Technoblade turned from the slowly falling curtain of lava to face a- admittedly kind of pathetic looking- Dream. 

“Bruhhhh, I don’t know what you expected me to do, I was busy, after all.” 

“What were you possibly doing that could’ve been more important than that “absolute reciprocity” that I thought you were so passionate about!?” 

“Ignorin’ you.” 

If Dream had been barely containing his rage before, his feelings became much clearer as he stalked towards the piglin, his eyes may as well have been burning holes through his mask as he grabbed Technoblade by the fur of his cloak. 

“You’re an asshole.” 

“Hey, I’m not the one holdin’ a guy by the neck in jail, if I ain’t mistaken this would be the start of a fanfic y’know.” 

Hands trembling with rage, Dream released Techno from his vice like drip, his past visitors, he would slip into a role to gain sympathy, but there was nothing to be gained by acting like a kicked puppy in front of the Blood God. A fact that they both knew quite well, although Dream wondered if Phil was quite as apathetic, he was after all touted as the father of the entire god damn server. And Dream had seen the so-called Angel of Death in action, he could be a worthy asset if the time came. Dream was snapped out of his plotting by Technoblade holding out an envelope. 

“Tommy wanted me to give this to ya when I came, said he was too busy managin’ his hotel to deliver it himself.” 

“How the fuck did you get that past Sam” 

He was met with a noncommittal hum that Dream could only assume meant a magician never reveals his secrets. God, he hated Technoblade. He’d probably only come to assess whether or not Dream was still a threat under the guise of a favour for Tommy, always battle minded, always strategizing. Although Dream supposed judging him for that would be a touch hypocritical. 

“Welp, guess I’ll be goin’ then,” Technoblade turned to the lava curtain to call for Sam, “Oh, and Dream?” 

“What.” the green man ground out. 

Only to yelp as he got a steel capped boot to the ribs, falling to his side with a crunch. 

“WHAT THE FUCK,” he gasped out as Technoblade crouched down, lifting Dream by the hair to reach eye level, he could feel his eyes watering. Fucking humiliating. 

“If you ever threaten my family like that again, especially my brother, there is no secret base, no big redstone house far far away that you could run to where I will not find you. Thank you for everything you’ve done, giving me so many ideas for exactly what I’ll do to you if you leave this box, you’ll find out exactly why they call me the Blood God, Dream. You think you’ve seen the limit to my capabilities? I’m not gonna give it my all fightin’ a country of kids. You, though? I wouldn’t mind lettin’ loose for a little bit, just me and you like old times. Capiche?” Techno allowed the voices that saturated his mind take over slightly, darkening his pupils to an obsidian black, allowing his elongated canines to show just a little more and relishing the sheen of fear that filled Dream’s eyes. The man gulped but he could only assume he was stunned into silence. 

“Well?” 

“Y-yes sir.” Dream mumbled. 

“Speak up son, you WERE a king once, no?” Technoblade snapped, barely containing the smirk when Dream flinched at his every word. 

“Yes Technoblade.” 

If looks could kill, Technoblade wouldn’t have made it to the other side of the lava as Dream glowered at him, back turned, slowly crossing back to the outside world. 

One that Dream wouldn’t be seeing for a long, long time.


	6. Housewarming Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Ranboo told Tubbo to invite a couple of friends to the housewarming of their mansion, he didn't expect to be greeted by the whole damn server.  
> Including Technoblade.

It was often easy to forget that Technoblade was part piglin. The only indicators of his biology being his tusks and elongated ears, that many thought were entirely decoration or for intimidation purposes, another piglin feature was his long pink hair, commonly assumed to be an attempt to make his look iconic to strike fear more easily into his opposition on the battlefield. Or perhaps an edgy attention-grabbing stint from his teenage years that had eventually grown on him (get it? Like hair? Grows? Get it?); at the very least his hybrid status, while not purposefully hidden, was often forgotten among the people of the Dream SMP. 

It was a regular day, or at least as regular a day as one could get on the Dream SMP. Tubbo had decided to host a party! To celebrate the grand opening of his, Ranboo’s and Michael’s new mansion; he had never been a fan of extravagant displays of wealth, but he was also a big fan of server-wide unity and held the naïve hope that this party, if it went without complications, could be the catalyst for new friendships! Or at least a lull in the constant infighting of the server. Sure, Tubbo had elected not to tell Ranboo that his instruction to invite “a few close friends” had led to Tubbo dishing out invites to everyone in the server (not Dream all the homies hate Dream). 

Hence Ranboo’s confusion as he finished dressing Michael wrapped tight in layers to withstand the cold of Snowchester, he was from the nether, after all, only to exit the house ready for a nice fun get together between friends; to look over to the welcome banner they had placed at the entrance of their mansion and see the entire. Fucking. Server. Ranboo weighed his options, he could shoo Michael back inside, lock the doors and pretend He Saw Nothing, there was no other option, he decided. He turned to push Michael back into the house only to hear his “beloved” husband call out. 

“Ranboo! Hey! Welcome to the party big man!” he waved, and his voice pierced through the air. Everyone was looking directly at him. Oh boy if there were ever a time for Ranboo to learn to teleport it would be NOW. 

“Heh, hey guys! How ya doin! Errrrrm... Welcome to Snowchester..?” Ranboo choked out, please look away please look away, Ranboo couldn’t handle this much eye contact at once, his heart constricting in his chest as he used his long enderman legs to power stride over to Tubbo, Michael trying his best to keep up on tiny legs. 

Ranboo tried his best to whisper, a marriage dispute at a party- while entertaining- wasn't the kind of thing he was willing to put up with today: “Tubbo what the Heck is this. Why is everyone here I- IS THAT PHILZA!?” Ranboo squawked upon noticing the man’s striped hat and piercing laugh as he chatted with Niki Nihachu. “Tubbo why the heck did you invite Phil? I thought we didn’t want them knowing that I’m freaking married to a PRESIDENT! Sure Phil might be chill but what about Technoblade? Oh god please don’t tell me you invited Technoblade I don’t know what he’d-” Ranboo was cut off from his stressed ranting by Tubbo placing a warm, gloved hand against his flushed cheek. 

“Hey. Hey, it’s okay. I’m dumb but I’m not stupid. I didn’t invite Technoblade, don’t worry big man. Now come on! Enjoy the party a little! Why don’t we start introducing Michael to people.” Tubbo bent down to ruffle the zombie piglin child’s fur as the child affectionately leaned into his touch. 

“Yeah, I guess it’s time for Phil to meet another pseudo-grandson huh?” Ranboo squeezed Tubbo and Michael’s hands where they lay in his firm grip, and he marched like a man on death’s row over to where Philza had apparently heard the best joke in existence as Fundy joined the conversation in... Was that a maid dress? And the winged warrior was doubled over, tears in his eyes, laughing so hard Ranboo was worried this would be where Philza’s age finally got the better of him. As Phil noticed Ranboo’s approach he tried to calm himself and faced his semi-adopted son, his face red and creased with joy. 

“’Ello mate.” Phil’s greeting was friendly, a warmth blossoming in Ranboo’s chest at the fatherly comforting aura of the man he felt his worries melt away. 

Until they returned in full force, with backup. 

“Sorry mate, Techno said he’d be a bit late. Wanted to dress himself up a bit after hibernating, you know how he is hah.” 

What. 

“Excuse me for a second Phil.” Ranboo whipped his head around so fast that, if he weren’t a hybrid, a crack could’ve been heard. He whispered, his voice quick and panicked: 

“TubboWhatTheFuckIThoughtYouDidn’tInviteTechnoblade!!!!!” Tubbo could only shrug nonchalantly. 

“Ah well, I guess Phil and Techno are just a package deal heheh.” Ranboo didn’t know what to hyperventilate over more, the fact that Technoblade was coming to tear apart the life he’d built here, or the fact that Tubbo was entirely unconcerned about it apparently. 

He was snapped out of his mile-a-minute mindset by a low, monotone voice silencing everyone as he sauntered into the clearing. 

“Hullooo, sorry I’m late guys I was just tryin’ to come up with the best excuse to not come-” Techno looked around the clearing, nodding at friends as he spoke, freezing when his eyes met Ranboo, who was still holding hands with Mr. President and their Piglin child. Techno narrowed his eyes and resumed his relaxed walk towards the party and, more specifically, Phil. Ranboo felt frozen on the spot as he watched Techno and Phil share a quick hushed conversation, Techno looking back at him a couple of times, seemingly completely unphased by Ranboo’s staring. 

His fight or flight finally started kicking in as Techno parted from Phil with a nod and started walking towards him and his makeshift family. 

“Techno please listen it’s not what you think I can explain I-” he was silenced by Techno lifting his hand. 

“Are you happy here?” He drawled, seemingly as relaxed as ever. 

“Wh- what?” 

“Are you. Happy here.” Techno spoke as if to a small child, his impassive face and monotone voice betraying nothing. Ranboo found himself growing hopeful, 

“Well... Yeah, honestly. The happiest I’ve been in a long time.” Ranboo felt a knot in his stomach unravel as he watched Techno look to the floor, almost thoughtful, sigh, and meet his eyes. 

“Then it’s okay.” 

Ranboo had never been more confused to be perfectly honest. He had expected to have to fight for his family, down to the last breath defending everyone he held dear from another person he held just as dear to be perfectly honest. 

“By the way, Ranboo?” Techno was smirking now. 

“Y-yes?” 

“Michael’s name is actually L’Gynesh. And She says she’s 42.” 

Shit wait Techno’s a piglin too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally had a much different ending in mind but I've decided to save it because it's too fluffy for me to write unless I'm literally mid-breakdown lmao

**Author's Note:**

> Updates will be few and far between as I only do these at like 5am in a fever dream
> 
> Feel free to follow my Tumblr @acreativenamewastaken, there are other ways to support me there if you enjoy my work! :)  
> Comments and kudos are pog :]


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